


You will be found

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Punishment, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26511151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Just my way of comforting my younger self and working through all the TERF nonsense, I figured I'd share so that maybe it can help others too.*Hogwarts cares for its students*
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	You will be found

He watched his hands, they were burning with pain. Everything hurt. It felt like his soul would be ripped from his body any moment now. The words were bright red still on his pale skin. He felt like they would never leave. He'd never be rid of them and it wouldn't matter how much magic he could use, how much he could wish for it, what incredible potion or Muggle cream his parents would get him. They'd be there and mock him and stab him and anyone would see. Anyone would know. No excuse would ever be enough. No hair would ever be short enough. No beard thick enough. No hair would grow on his scarred hands to cover that. No tattoo artist would fix that. 

_Pretty girls must not tell lies_

He was staring at his hands right outside her door. He didn't have any tears left. He could feel a tug deep down in his stomach. His throat worked up and down but no sound could leave. She'd hear. Somewhere in the back of his mind he realized it was getting late and he'd get points docked for being out of his dorm but he didn't really care. He could only stare and feel his chest ripped by breathless sobs. His fingers and toes started tingling, his fists were clenched tight. He was barely aware of his body existing beyond simple survival. It only felt as if he was dying but he knew his body wouldn't let him go so easily. 

He stumbled to his feet but his knees buckled, his head was light, he wasn't breathing enough to move. Feet approached and he tried to cower in a corner but the Head of Ravenclaw had sharp eyes and he hurried over with his Prefect. Not much of whatever they said made sense but they brought him to the Infirmary, he insisted on walking even as his head felt too heavy to hold high. 

When he lied down none of his body existed anymore, not really, it's shape and size was all over the place, as he watched his foot he could think it was someone else's, moving any part of him required conscious thought and significant effort. He didn't want to. 

Madame Pomfrey shooed the boys away gently and sat at his side, there weren't many people in the other beds, she lifted a glass to his lips and he pulled away in protest, he vaguely mumbled something along the lines of «No sleep...» to which she replied softly «It's just water dear, I promise. I need you to take a short sip and then a breath...» her voice was firm, you didn't want to get on her bad side, but after a whole night with Umbridge it was like honey and tea washing over a sore throat. He could manage to take a sip and a breath for Madame Pomfrey. She instructed him through it a couple more times until the tingling was gone and all that was left was the most horrible exhaustion he'd ever felt. 

Still he sat up gingerly against the pillows and she let him, she even let him cradle his hands in his lap and she didn't touch him «There's pumpkin juice in the glass and a few biscuits, I'll check on the other students and then come back, dear»   
He figured he could deal with that, he could deal with pumpkin juice and biscuits. He didn't like having the curtains drawn, it felt claustrophobic, he reached over to pull them back and focused on the food, nibbling on the biscuits as he watched Pomfrey move back and forth between the beds. 

When the nurse came at his side again she had a bunch of bandages and an ointment, I was glad she'd given me a reprieve before this. She was gentle but I knew she wouldn't take no for an answer and I just looked away as she sorted me out «... that demon... look at this...». He had never heard her mutter under her breath like this, it was just something one wouldn't expect from Madame Pomfrey. Apparently he wasn't the first one who'd been subjected to this, unsurprisingly. 

My hands stopped hurting and the bandages were soft and not too tight «It needs to stay covered to heal properly and I need you to come here twice a day for the bandages and the ointment. It can't take sunlight for the next six months, you'll be allowed to wear gloves regardless of the activities required.» she instructed quietly and if she heard the sigh of relief she didn't show it «Anyone who asks you to take them off you can tell them to come to me. And I do mean anyone.» 

He walked back to his dorm with the Prefect who'd waited for him just outside the Infirmary, he was a nice boy, as they came to a stop at the entrance barrels he nodded to his hands «It'll get better soon» he said quietly «And... about the gloves. Gloves are badass, you can get those half finger ones... maybe in dragon leather» he smirked a little and he couldn't help but chuckle tiredly «Mhmh... Maybe you'll help me choose a cool pair» the reply wasn't really intended but it sounded like a nice plan «Thanks again, goodnight!»   
«Count me in! Goodnight»


End file.
